Eating disorder recovery is not an “all or none” kind of thing. Recovery starts with identifying and exploring the food-rules your eating disorder insisted were true. Over time, you learn to challenge them through experiencing that your feared outcome actually doesn’t happen!
Nope, eating a donut won’t make your pants split tomorrow when you pull them over your thighs! You learn that it just doesn’t work like that.
But even though you “know” something intellectually doesn’t mean it doesn’t still “feel” true from time to time. It’s ok to still get tripped up. Right now, you might be working on making peace with a certain food or food group. You’re going against what your gut tells you is right, and it’s ok if you’re not always stoked about it!
You can do this work at your own pace, gently reminding yourself that the more frequently you choose to eat the food that scares you:
1) The easier it will become
2) The less "control" you'll find the food has over you
3) The more empowered you will become to try NEW challenges
4) You will become more accustomed to the natural emotional experiences that are part of your every day life
Doing the recovery behavior is so much harder than the eating disorder behavior. You won’t always triumph. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose and sometimes it’s a draw. But please give yourself permission to be in this space: a space of fear, uncertainty, but maybe there’s also a little hope and empowerment: don’t ignore the small wins. Allow yourself to struggle, fail, want to give up... and then try again.